12 years ago, this week, my heart was shattered into what felt like a thousand pieces at the time. My then-fiancé broke up with me seemingly out of the blue. To make a long story short, the next few months were very traumatic and I had a lot to work through and process. Thankfully, I was connected to a great counselor, I had loyal and patient friends, and I had a family who refused to give up on me. In the years that transpired, I spent a lot of time working on myself and becoming more independent and confident in the person who I am.
Now, here I am 12 years removed and as soon as November rolled around I started feeling that nagging pain of rejection and insecurity from years ago. This is not supposed to happen! I have already processed these feelings. Why are they back? Feelings like “what was wrong with me?” and “why was I not enough?”
In retrospect, God had told me many times prior that we were not right for each other. Hence, the multiple breakups that my family and friends had to endure along with me (eek, sorry, but thank you!). So today, instead of asking myself what was wrong with me or why I was not enough, I am choosing to write my own narrative and frame the situation in a different light.
The truth is that nothing is wrong with me. He was wrong for me.
The truth is that I am enough. We were not enough together.
The truth is that God told me multiple times to end the relationship and I did not. Therefore, I believe that He took matters into his own hands and through a broken heart and a lot of pain and therapy He rescued me and beautifully restored me.
The song, Beautiful Things by Gungor speaks to this truth so eloquently.
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
Fun Fact: My sister-in-law walked down the aisle to this song at her wedding to my brother.
No matter our circumstances or failures, God can take the broken versions of ourselves and turn us into beautiful things. In fact, I believe He WILL turn us into beautiful things.
You were always more than enough, my sweet girl! You just had to catch up with the rest of us on knowing how amazingly wonderful you are!
I can totally relate to those feelings of insecurity from my past, as well. Thank God He makes beautiful things out of insecurity and dust.
A thousand hugs and kisses 🙂 I always think of the Garth Brooks song about thanking God for unanswered prayers — I do that a lot lol!
So insightful and inspiring Sweet Sarah. Thank you for sharing your God story of beauty from ashes!!!