I have a love/hate relationship with the TimeHop/Memories apps.
On the one hand, I love seeing old pictures and I think it’s funny to see what was important to me in college (Olive Garden, what?). On the other hand, not all of my memories are fantastic. In fact, there are some that I wish I could forget all together – does anyone else feel me (hello permed hair)? A memory that recently popped up was a sweet little picture of Brayden. I did not anticipate the flood of emotions that I would experience in looking at this picture. You see, this picture was taken right before we started the journey of therapists and doctor’s visits. When I look at that picture I see a different life. If I am honest, sometimes I wish I was still that Sarah.
Here is my letter to her.
Dear September 2017 Sarah,
I see you so happy and in love with your little 9 month old. He loves to swing and lights up when he sees his daddy. He is obsessed with books and could read with you for hours. He witnessed the Falcon’s blowing a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl and if that is not enough to scar him from football forever then just wait until the 2018 College National Championship…..
I want you to know that next month you are going to start physical therapy with Brayden to help him catch up on a few milestones. If I know you, and I do, you probably think it will last just a few months and then you will be on your way. However, I implore you to go into this “therapy world” with a long-term mindset and appreciate the amazing Physical Therapist that God sent your way. It will save you a lot of heartache down the road. While you are there, pay attention to the other patients/parents who are in the waiting room many more hours a week than you. Watch them and learn from them because this will be you in a few years. Smile at them and compliment their children. Those tired-looking parents are far too often told what is wrong with their children instead of what is wonderful about them.
The whole milestone game is going to break your heart over and over again over the next few years. Try not to get caught in the comparison trap and just celebrate the milestones when they come. In fact, celebrate them BIG because they are an accomplishment for the whole family.
Go ahead and find a good counselor. You may not feel that you need one now, but you will in the days ahead.
Make sure you have a good insurance plan. You are going to rack up a LOT of bills, but hey, good news is that hitting your out-of-pocket max every year makes decisions about going to the doctor a whole lot easier. On that note, you should probably learn that insurance plans have limits on physical, occupational, and speech therapy visits. Infuriating, but true.
September 2017 Sarah, you have a lot coming at you in the days ahead. A part of me wishes I could completely freeze time and save your innocence and joy, but another part of me knows that the lessons learned through falling and getting up over and over again are priceless.
Last but not least, you are stronger than you could ever know.
Sincerely,
September 2020 Sarah
P.S. 2020 is a trip. Go ahead and start stocking up on toilet paper and Lysol wipes. Trust me, you will thank me later.
Most definitely a tear jerker AGAIN! But I love your writing—your sense of humor always comes through. There’s nothing better than laughter through tears. (You can use that in a future post😉)
I love you!❤️
Been there with all the insurance issues. We were told if he had problems because of mom being on drugs/alcohol during pregnancy they’d cover it – otherwise we had limited visits. Really? My child had problems not because of anything I did during pregnancy or anything he did but they wanted to limit the visits. FYI – public school was a lifesaver when it came to services that insurance would not cover!