One of the reasons I started this blog was to serve as a form of therapeutic writing. I’m going to be very transparent. Last week was a very difficult week for us. I had a different blog post written and ready to go, but I just feel pulled to talk about my week. We have had some major changes. Spoiler Alert: we are adjusting and we will continue to move forward, but that does not eliminate the growing pains we are experiencing. In addition, I should note that I am not an expert on any of this information. I am just a mom who is learning as I go and trying to do what is best fo
r my family.
Each week my sweet, snuggly, intelligent, and adorable Brayden works with a physical therapist, speech pathologist, occupational therapist, early interventionist, and an applied behavioral therapist. Last week we started with a new ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis) program at home. This means that a therapist is in our home working with Brayden for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Once the clinic is able to open again he will begin doing his therapy at the facility, which presents a whole new set of anxieties.
I want to preface these next comments by saying that his therapist is absolutely wonderful. She is energetic, compassionate, and friendly. Most of all, she very quickly established a relationship with Brayden and he is so excited to see her upon her arrival, which as most parents can attest, is an automatic win in our book! However, no matter how fantastic she is, there is still an additional person in our home 8 hours a day with no reprieve. Also, while I am still Brayden’s mom, it is important that I let his therapist do her job so I have to fade into the background and give up a lot of control and parental responsibilities for Brayden while the therapist is here. Sometimes that means he is appropriately told “no” and I have to watch or listen to him cry while I sit there with tears streaming down my own face. I know that being told “no” is a part of life, but my instinct is to scoop him up and cuddle him and I am not able to rescue him from his emotions in these moments.
It’s not pretty to admit, but I feel helpless. I feel angry that this is his life. I feel deprived that I am losing precious time with him. I feel sad that his life is so programmed.
However…
I feel thankful that he is able to receive the therapy that he needs. I feel hopeful that all of this effort will set Brayden up for a quality future. I feel grateful for all of the therapists and teachers who work with Brayden on a daily and weekly basis. I feel blessed that God gave me a unique little boy to raise who will do great things.
You are a wonderful Mother doing a fantastic job.
Thank you! I’m trying my best.
Love you sweet friend! And you’re ability to always be so positive!
Thank you! I do not always feel positive, but I certainly try.
Oh sweet Sarah….you have challenges that none of us who love you can guide you through. It seems as if God has chosen you for that role. What I do know is that you have laid an amazing foundation for Brayden to receive the help he is being given. He’s sweet and open and so bright because of the job you and Wes have been doing since birth. Nobody has the definition of Hard when they tell you parenting is hard work. This is it, sweetheart. Cry, scream and write your way through it. You help so many moms by sharing your feelings, and you remind the rest of us to have compassion for all mommy’s – we never know what they are fighting through every day. Keep up your message, sweetie – not everyone has the gift to do so.
Thank you, Mrs. Lisa! I do feel chosen for this privilege of raising and leading Brayden. I know he will do great things and I cannot wait to see what his impact is on the world. Thank you for the encouragement about my blog. I’ve never been a fan of writing, but sometimes it feels like the only way that I can adequately express myself and I am thankful that people are willing to read!
Sarah, you are such a wonderful mom and I love that you are so brave. You are such a wonderful mom. I am sending lots of love and support to you guys. God blessed these boys with the perfect mom❤️.
Thank you! I am thankful that God refreshes me each morning so I can try and try again. If anything, I know that I am trying my best!
You are in my thoughts and prayers! One day you will look back and know that you did all that you could do and it has paid off! You’ve got this but on days when you feel that you don’t please know that I will listen! Brayden is blessed to have you all as his parents – on his side and fighting for him each day!
Thank you! I feel so blessed that God knew Brayden needed you and Laura as teachers this year. He also knew that I needed some help too :). Thankful for you!