Yesterday I was not my best me. I was not even a decent me. I was a low patience, snippy, sour, sad human. I know that we cannot always be at the top of our game, but my family deserves better than what I gave them yesterday. As I was wallowing in my regret over my attitude, I remembered that “the sun will come out tomorrow”. By that, I mean that I am so thankful that Jesus gives us renewed energy and spirit each and everyday. Another opportunity to smile, another opportunity to laugh, another opportunity to watch Toy Story 1, 3, or 4 (let’s be honest, Toy Story 2 was trash) for the 50th time, and another opportunity to try again.
I have convinced myself that the best version of myself is the one who is happy, perky, cheerful, and smiley. Unfortunately, this pressure to always be bubbly leaves me feeling exhausted. Sometimes I just wish I could wear a sign that says “I am smiling, but I couldn’t sleep last night because I worried that my son with unique-needs will never have friends” or “I am laughing but I am so mentally exhausted from caring for two young boys, a husband, a dog, a cat, and a plant.” Think about what would be on your sign, “I am _____, but I _________”. We all have something.
I am learning that the best version of myself is not the one who is always pushing her real emotions to the side to be the person people expect. Instead, the best version of me is when I feel feelings as they come, when I live in the moment, when I do not strive for perfection but strive to be better, and when I trust God with the details. This difference in thought is not easy for a self-described perfectionist and people-pleaser, but I guess acknowledgement is the first step to change. I should probably figure out the second step. I will let you know when I do!
My name is Sarah and I am a work-in-progress.
Sarah every person has those days. If they say they don’t, they either aren’t living or they are lying. Just remember, you only have to get through today. If things get overwhelming, just think, just today. You have special circumstances, but you’ve got this.
No matter the ups and downs I know everyone who knows you will always think of the bubbly, perky wonderful Sarah that we all know you to be!
All I can say is I love you and admire you!! Such a good mommy, wife, sister, aunt, friend, and granddaughter! You inspire us all!
Thank you. Just trying to share what I’m learning about myself, the good, the bad, and the ugly :).
“Self-described perfectionist and people pleaser”, I can relate 100000%! It can be exhausting and the pressure you put on yourself is more than anyone else puts on you. You’re not alone in this! Thanks for sharing! ❤️
And this is why we are friends! 🙂 Yes, love the way you worded that.
I love what you said about each day being new. I’m thankful that God has freely given me the forgiveness that I need each day to move forward instead of remembering yesterday’s shortcomings. Yep, we’re all a work in progress, Sarah Bell!